we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
