I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
