remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
