Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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