I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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