isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize