So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize