I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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