His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
