He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
