yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
