Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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