And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everclear isn't food dammit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
