i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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