there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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