It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
