their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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