Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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