I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
