You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
