My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
