She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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