Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You may now shotgun with the bride
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
