She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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