i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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