i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just cropdusted the office
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
