This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
