People in love make me want to vomit
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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