this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
