He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
