We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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