There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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