I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
