He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are a genius and a whore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
