also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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