he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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