How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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