We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
