you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
