I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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