I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
