Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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