as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
