just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
