Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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