Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
