Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
