I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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