Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
