Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
