I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize