apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
