if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
