you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
