is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
