I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize