More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
