Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
