I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize