Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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