I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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