Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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