I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
