I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
