Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
