i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize