So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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