Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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