My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
