it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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