i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize